I've been spending a chunk of time this evening wandering around the internet. I have an increasing list of blogs bookmarked, and tend to glut on them. One of my weaknesses, that keeps me online for hours, and leads me down all kinds of rabbit holes is link posts. Gala darling has linked to some illustrations where the artist has drawn out the spam email he gets. Some of them are a bit nothingy but a couple made me laugh. For example...


I hope you can see that ok. I like the idea of removing the power of annoyance these emails have by ridiculing them, especially with this pleasing line-drawn style. The whole collection is here.

The reason I've been enjoying the internet this evening is that the world cup has arrived. A and I only have one TV that's set up enough to work so vegetating wasn't an option. I'm glad really, as I dislike the faintly disappointed feeling I get after a whole evening of channel surfing. I can get it about the internet as well, but this evening I have tried to be an active surfer rather than be dragged along by the flow of the information super highway.

The posts at whitehottruth have been interesting me and sparking some potentially deep thoughts. I'm not an entrepreneur, and don't have any great dreams of becoming a business person, but I find a lot of the things she says make me stop and think. And in a life as hectic as mine feels at the moment that's a powerful thing. There is wisdom that can be applied to a lot of situations in the pages of her blog. I wonder about the e-book, but haven't been convinced enough that I would follow through and commit to it enough to make it worth the money.

I have a habit of dabbling with these kinds of self improvement things but not pushing through with them enough. I have an aversion to worksheets; maybe I'm secretly afraid of when I might find out about myself. Obviously I have a a lot of Hoff to give (can't find the Hoffarmations on the internet, so no link to that delight for you) but I have a sneaking suspicion that if I started really examining myself I might find out that the things that are really meaningful to me and that I'm really good at are actually things I don't value as highly as I should cognitively.

As a 'modern woman' I've picked up on the idea that to be really succeeding you need to be all things. Powerful, organised, funny, confident, business-like, career minded, ready to have kids at any second and be able to cope whilst complaining because that's expected too. And that's before you consider the expectations of society generally that are applied to all people by default, as expressed in the attitudes of TV, magazines etc etc (though why they should be I don't know, and have realised I could not face the psychological dissection and debate of any kind of course type thing about the subject). Look out for number one but don't forget that society's falling apart. What about me. Be a success (at what we all consider to be successful). Be yourself but not too much.

Be yourself, but not too much. That's resonating with me at the moment. About the wedding..."it's your day" but you can't possibly want that! what about what Joe, Grandpa, all the neighbours will think. And everybody's so focused on one day. What about the rest of our lives? That's what this is all supposed to be the gateway to. Celebrating the beginning, helping us to set off in style, with the support of the people who love us and who we love. Anything that helps everyone to slow down and remember that has got to be a good thing. Time to think, to plan, to imagine. What is my life going to look life after this lifechanging event. Our life. How is the focus going to be different now it's shared. But there's the DJ crisis to solve, the RSVPs to chase, the flowers and cars to debate.

They don't matter. They are window dressing. A and I will be there, thankfully most of the people we care about are able to be there, to start the rest of our lives together.

Pulling the whole thing together has helped us to practice some together-skills that will be very important as life goes on. Never agreeing to anything without checking is probably the biggest. Not even expressing vague interest (as that's taken as yes in our families, and is why we ended up with 5 different types of tea lights and a panic over rings).

There has been stress, tears, frantic phone calls, and it is not done yet, but I think so far overall the benefits of being engaged and planning a wedding are winning the race. Though it has been close at times.

By the way, my dress? not window dressing. Possibly the only time in a woman's life nowadays when she can focus on finding an outfit that makes her feel amazing with absolutely no guilt and not worry that anyone will *dare* say anything negative. Mine I could have bought an alright second hand car with the money, but I really don't mind. It's one stereotype I'm glad to say I have found to be true.

Have you kept up with my train of thought tirade this evening? I fear I am not reader friendly, but there is plenty in there to inwardly digest if you feel so inclined.