8am - get up and wait for workmen who may arrive anytime between now and noon. They need to fix the phone and internet cable, whcih got cut whilst we were gardening because it was not properly installed when we first moved in (properly installed = buried in the garden, rather than flung carelessly over various shrubbery).

9:30 - be left home alone so andy can go and get us some groceries (and my birthday pressies - this bit I don't mind so much)

11am - workmen arrive, without announching themselves. They faff about outside for at least ten minutes then deign to ring the doorbell...and tell me "the cables are all jammed and we need a con team to look at them". However, they can't "get through" to the con team. What do you think would be a sensible thing to do at this point? wait until the visit from the 'con team' can be arranged? give me a straight answer about what time they (or anyone) will return? even try to appear to care? nope - drive off. THEY DROVE OFF.

Some time later - I realise some men in orange vests are digging up part of the pavement outside the house (oh, how the neighbours must love me today). I go out (in slippers no less, must complete the picture of course), and offer them a cup of tea (passive aggressive, moi?) but they're ok ta love, and a different pair of men so I don't mind them (yet - I'll get to that later). Other man 1 lets me know that 'they should be back soon' and I presume he means pair of annoying workmen #1 from earlier in the day.

Some more time later (but before Andy returns from the great birthday present hunt) - original workmen rematerialise, and again faff around without announcing their presence. This faffing includes walking up and down my garden, past the front window and apparently trying to knock down the front wall of my house (bang! bang! bang! wall shakes! neighbours hate me some more). During this assault on the fabric of my (our) dwelling Andy arrives home, and the neighbours cat tries to break in (round Andy's feet as he clambers in to the house with bags of lovely lovely pressies, straight up the stairs, meowing at Andy for being surprised that we now have a cat). Eventually they ring my door bell, "just need to check it's all working", it all is - excellent and they prepare to leave. I let Andy know this and he asks the magic question "did they bury the cable alright?". A quick check out the window reveals that no, they did not manage to bury the cable alright. They did not even attempt to bury the cable at all. Andy does his best impression of irate male and goes to have a word(in slippers - until he flails around opening the door and changing shoes at the same time. A man who can multitask!).
The reported conversation went soemthing like this:
Andy: You haven't buried the cable like you were supposed to
Nameless workman:there are plants
Andy: so? dig anyway
Nameless workman:there are plants, and ppl sue me if I dig up plants
Andy: you may dig up theplants, I am asking you to dig up the plants. All of them if you like, just bury the cable so the whole saga need never happen again.
Nameless workman: I'm still not doin it *drives off*

30 seconds later - Andy rings the company - they are very apologetic, speak to the workman's manager and inform us that someone will be out to bury the cable before 6pm.

5:45pm - Me: "they'll have to turn up quick it's nearly 6pm"

6:05pm - Andy phones the company - they are very apologetic, speak to the workman's manager and inform us that someone will be out to bury the cable before 8pm.

6:45pm - I go to make some dinner (jacker potatoes - yum) Microwave blows up and trips the fuses for half the house. It also blew sparks at me. And still with not work after fuses are reset.

6:47pm - Doorbell rings. . o 0 (excellent - people to bury the cable) It's the neighbour (who I'm already presuming isn't so keen on me today, with the workmen and the banging). She asks "is your internet and TV working?" err, yes. "cos ours isn't and I thought that might be why the workmen were here before. uh oh.

Apparently the workmen were here before to break our neighbours internet, whilst not properly fixing ours.

now - Still no sign of workmen. Andy has gone to buy chips cos the microwave is still broken, and I presume Ange from next door is watching a DVD.